Day 4 Layout for 40 Days of Scrapping Purpose Challenge

Those of my friends that already know MY TESTIMONY that was posted on my 360blog can just scroll on through to view the layout...as this will be a repeat of sorts.

For Day 4 of the Challenge at Divine Digital we were challenged to do a layout about seizing the moment or seizing the day. We were suppose to chose a moment in our life that brought us to where we are now. Unfortunately, I couldn't just chose one moment, as they all tie in to the woman I am today!!

This is my story, an explanation of who I am, of a few things I’ve been through, and how God has a reason for me being here. A few days prior to me writing this (Summer of 2003) I felt like all I had done was for nothing, that my music ministry, and everything relating to God was in vain. I thought I wasn’t being heard, and that even my own family hadn’t noticed the changes in me. I was wrong! If you think that what you do for God isn’t being noticed, if you think whatever talent you have for God is a waste of time…think again! Someone is paying attention! The way you live, the way you talk, the way you present yourself to the world, someone is watching. Someone is noticing, and seeing God through you.


FULL CREDITS:
Background - Sanctuary Papers by Kathryn Balint
Background - A Christmas Poem Freebie by Ingeborg (ikscrap)
Fairy - Fashion Fairy Freebie by Ingeborg (ikscrap)
Evergreen Bough and Icicles - Snow Is Glistening by Joanna Cinnamon at MyDigitalAddiction
Inked Edge by Nancie Rowe Janitz
Blue Leaves - Sprinkle Freebie Add On by Sweet made
Elf - Flittery Sparkles Freebie by Lorie Davison

JOURNALING READS:
I wish you could be me when I was 4; a trusting child alone with a female cousin and learning things a child shouldn't know 'til she was grown.

I wish you could be me when I was 10; a scared child, (with a horrible secret) becoming a young woman and her mom telling her the facts of life.

I wish you could be me when I was 10 1/2; child being told that her Dad would no longer be able to work, money being tight, and there would be no Christmas. Seeing her Dad cry for the first time, and her holding him and telling him everything would be fine.

I wish you could be me when I was 11; a determined young lady that confronts her female sexual abuser and telling her it was wrong!

I wish you could be when I was 12; the first time she gave her heart to God.

I wish you could be me when I was 13; a teen that cried herself to sleep every night for the past 2 years thinking that all the sexual abuse was her fault.

• Telling her mom, for the first time, of being abused for 7 years.

I wish you could be me when I was 14; a teen (with her brother) that had to take care of all the cooking, cleaning, and tending to both sick parents.

I wish you could be me when I was 15; a rebellious teen that was running from God and her parents, and the terrifying night she had sex for the first time with a teenage boy.

I wish you could be me when I was 16; a pregnant teen faced with telling her parents she would soon become a mother, and quitting school. The father of her unborn child not wanting anything to do with a pregnant girlfirend.

I wish you could be me when I was 17; a child, an adult, and a mother all trapped in one body to a beautiful baby boy.

I wish you could be me when I was 18; thinking she met "MR. RIGHT" and getting pregnant again.

I wish you could be me when I was 19; giving birth to a second beautiful son and his father wanting to be with someone else.

• Her parents adopting the oldest son to help with the financial responsibilities.

I wish you could be me when I was 21; thinking she had met "MR. RIGHT" for the second time...and getting married for the first time. Moving out of state and having to leave oldest son with parents.

I wish you could be me when I was 21 1/2; when she becomes pregnant with her third child, seperated from her husband and living with her parents again.

I wish you could be me when I was 21 2/3; giving birth to a tiny, beautiful, red-headed baby girl.

I wish you could be me when I TURNED 22; having to go to the funeral home that night to attend to her Father's wake.

I wish you could be me the day after; a woman numb, attending her Father's funeral, and receiving her divorce papers on the same day!

I wish you could be me when I was 24; a woman that gets her G.E.D. without studying for the exam and passes...eight years after quitting high school!

I wish you could be me when I was 24 1/2; a nervous student enrolled in college to further her education.

• Thinking for the third time she had met Mr. RIGHT"-but this time taking it slow-dating for a year.

I wish you could be me when I was 25 1/2; getting married for the second time, quitting college, and thinking that life was going to be just fine.

I wish you could be me when I was 27; divorcing from 2 years of living in hell that still gives her and the children nightmares.

I wish you could be me when I was 28 1/2; a woman getting involved with a new age, buying a computer and meeting people online.

I wish you could be me when I was 28 2/3; packing up her children and all her belongings into a U-haul truck, moving to Michigan to live with her fourth "MR. RIGHT"...(her knight in shining armor) getting there to realize she might have rushed into it too fast.

I wish you could be me when I was 29; being back in Alabama, her "knight" still in Michigan, and her celebrating her birthday with another man.

I wish you could be me when I was 29 1/2; her "knight" moving to Alabama to live with her and the kids, forgiving her for the night she celebrated her birthday.

I wish you could be me when I was 30; driving her Jeep with her daughter and her "knight"...hitting another vehicle head on in her lane.

• I wish you could be me that night; having five bones broken in her foot, and so much medication she forgot who she was. Her "knight" with a messed up shoulder, and her daughter with a cut above her eye with double/blurry vision.

I wish you could be me when I was 30 1/2; Ocotober 13, 2000 on a Friday night, still recovering from her accident, driving her mother to Saucier, Ms. to visit family, and then have her mother die in her arms two hours after arriving.

• I wish you could be me the next day; having to make arrangements for her mother to be carried back to Alabama for the funeral, and wondering how in the would she and her "knight" were going to tell their children that Mamaw was never coming back home.
• I wish you could be during the next week; havng to deal with all the details of the funeral and making all the family from out of town comfortable, when all she wanted to do was curl into a ball and disappear.

I wish you could be me when I was 32; being asked to play bass guitar and sing in a family Gospel group, and her slowly coming back to God's calling.

I wish you could be me when I was 32 1/3; nearly four years of living with her "knight" and finally getting married. This time thinking, "It's for good!"

I wish you could be me when I was 32 1/2; rededdicating her life and her family to God, and being blessed by Him with a powerful voice!

I wish you could be me when I was 32 2/3; losing her mind for a while, leaving her husband and family becuase she didn't think it was worth it anymore...and a brief moment wanting to end her life.

• I wish you could be me that afternoon; on a quarter tank of gas, driving for hours, finding a cliff high enough...heading straight for it doing 90 miles an hour.
• I wish you could be me a few moments later; somehow pulling into her driveway, and still having a qaurter tank of gas.
• I wish you could be me walking back into the house; having to tell her husband everything that she's been through her entire life and feeling like she was backed into a corner. Telling her husband she had asked God to get out of her life because she felt like it wasn't worth it. Having her husband to nearly drop to his knees and tell her it IS! Telling her that he noticed the changes in her and in the family.
• I wish you could be me at that moment; asking God to fogive her and to come back into her life...Please don't leave me!
• I wish you could be me that night at church; telling everyone just a portion of what she had went through that day. During altar call, her standing at the piano singing and having someone bring her to the alter saying God has a message for you...God has something big in store for you!
• I wish you could be me at that moment; when the most incredible and amazing thing happened in her life, standing before God, eyes closed, members of the church praying for her, when she sees lighteneing...when she felt electricity move from her head to her feet and back again...when she seen God for the first time in her life...her standing with HIS hands above her, sheltering her from everything that was coming against her.
• I wish you could be me when I went home; telling her husband of what she had experienced at church, sharing God with him, and him actuallly listening, and being interested in what she had to say.
• I wish you could be me when we went into the kitchen; when she suddenly knew how much she meant to those around her, and them showing how much they loved her...the gift they gave, and her not knowing how to repay them.
• I wish you could be me now; knowing finally, for the first time, what God's presence in her life is. What His presence in her life does. What His presence in her life can and will do.